I'm sitting waiting for my coffee at my Starbucks , thinking about today's blog . Lost at sea . Do you ever have that aching feeling that you belong no where? You've been left out in the cold , life just isn't panning out ?
We stay up late thinking of what we have no control of ?
The only answer is to pray . This has been my new hope and I have to believe in Gods purpose for me .
This blog is an open forum . I don't write about specific situations , I just want to gather years of experience and put into helping any one who needs it .
I welcome comments and discussion . This is meant to be positive .
Tonight I want to talk about society . Technology has taken everything away from us , in terms of love .
I want to put this out correctly , I will say obviously I'm not perfect , no one is . We all make mistakes . Let's talk about what's forgivable .
First off technology puts sex , dating and love at our fingertips . We lose respect for each other , we can't know character over text , or facial expressions over email . How would I know if your sad or happy , with out a phone call ?
But yet instead of investing we jump to the next person , by the click of a button.
It's that easy right ? Do we have hearts or use them ?
Friends don't disappear with out a sound, if they care . They have integrity and communicate with each other .
I have a friend , ok .. She's been seeing someone a year , he gave her a cup for Christmas ( rubios ) ok . This isn't about being super facial , this is about matters of the heart .
It's beyond me how people treat one another . They text instead of holding hands , we walk away instead of understanding , lie instead of telling the
The truth .
My point is , be respectful and honest . We're not Google clicks , we're humans and most of us aren't deuch bags . So please don't be one ...
So in the past few months I realized one thing that resonates to anything else . I need to share with all of you .
When you meet new people it helps get to know the people in your past better .
You ask me ... How does this make sense ? I will tell you .
By examples : but it goes with anything .
Expample one : I met an amazing guy in February . Probably the first person I ever truly loved . I thought I loved in the past but I realized I did not at all . Maybe a part of me but not all of me .
How does this pertain ? I'll tell you . In meeting him , he was interested in my heart not getting down my pants . Every guy - everyone wanted just down my pants . Never saw me as a person .
This alone meant everything and we became best friends . Our relationship ended due to circumstances out of our control . But a month later an ex called me and said , " let's hook up " .
The vast difference changed me forever . I also realized the difference of now what I was looking for . I would never settle again . Do I want to have sex with my special someone ? Of course I do . But that wasn't the point , I wanted someone to care about who I am and be a friend .
I learned from my past how to know my future . Secretly I was always looking for a guy to say no .
Do you know what I mean ? So embrace your past and future . Meet new people ,open your heart . You might find exactly what your looking for . Whatever it might be .
Today lets talk about , other people , and why we shouldn't care about what others think . Not just the people around you but society in general . Society tells us how to look , act , and what to wear ... The list is endless ... Are we just trying " to fit in "
Everything boils down to our security . But being unique is what makes you amazing . I mean , who wants a cookie cutter society ?
The only opinions that matter are those who will be attending your funeral . If this is not so for your audience of hecklers then don't give them the time of day .
I want everyone to listen up and listen good . I don't care what the excuse is you find , you need to understand if he isn't chasing you or asking for your attention , move on . If they cared , loved you enough , or we're simply interested enough they would make it clear .( booty calls don't count ) . So listen unless you want to learn the hard way . Cut it and wait for someone worth your time .
It should go two ways between two people ...
Sometimes in any situation there is no control . Nothing can change pain , or situations . All we have is our friends , so lean on them . The one lesson I learned this month is love your enemies when they are down and out . Remember that , the love you give is in not expecting anything in return ( repeat that last sentence more than once )
If you can do these simple things , it will make the biggest changes in your life . You will gain new friends , new perspectives , and learn and teach unconditional love ;)
Today's blog is called personally . Why , because this about dealing with people who do not treat you right . The guy who disrespects you , the friend who puts you down , even a boss . So first off the first thing we need to learn is do not take everything personally . I'm not saying some things aren't personal but so much that we take , we think is .
Everyone has issues , some people take them out on others . We feel down about it . Well , don't . You can't control nor take away others misery . My advice is stick around good people who love and support you .
You can't change anyone . The more you try the more you blame you . My advice is walk away with your self esteem and sanity .
I watched the VMA's in horror last night , wondering what happened to music ? Naked woman gyrating about with lip syncing synthesizers , and layers of make up . I'm left asking myself , are we selling music , art , or sex ?
We look down on today's teen girls and their 23 year old mini's they hide in back packs changing in the bathrooms , we wonder where it all went wrong ?
Who are our role models ? I'm getting to my point right now .....
I spend maybe ten minutes on make up . Although I'm more tom boy then princess
Don't get me wrong I have my princess moments .
Even I ,not obsessed with main stream , find myself staring at these woman thinking .. Should I buy $500.00 worth of make up , try harder every day to look like this ?
The world today is a magazine add . It's swollowing hearts , integrity , justice , and real beauty in this world .
My point is what ever it is you see in the mirror , see it for who you are . Not the adds or gyrating princess whorres on MTV .
Look for real beauty ! We can all teach young girls beauty comes from so many other things ...
I think many of us struggle with this one , on so many levels . If your talking real love , true love , well then .. You probably tried crying , panick attacks , movies , music , googling , writing , drinking , friends , dating , hobbies , no matter what we end up at square one right ?
Sitting every where and any where in that one quiet moment where our ex love is sitting invisibly across from us , and it's just apart of our every day lives .
We sit and count other exes .. They are filed away in the I can careless Q . But this one , this one sits quietly in our corner . We don't know why . And then again yes , we do . They had our heart .
Fate is cruel master of deception . We wonder how she plays her part and why . But the only answer I have to the burning question you all have is quite easy .
You don't . Don't let them go .
They taught you to love so deeply , they are still with you . They got you to risk , they did a lot , keep your heart open .
We wonder through our day , 24 hours pass us by so quickly . How many times do we stop to ask our selves about the relationships we have in our lives . Do we give to those around us ? Do we just receive what is given ? Are we numb ?
Life is a precious gift we have one time . Do not let fear or pain rob you of the hour glass that streams effortlessly and unforgiving on your bed side table .
Do not waste time seeking attention from people who do not care to give it back to you . Your past is your past , it's the old story , keeping you from the new story . I know , it hurts . It hurts a lot . But go ahead look in the mirror ... Look now ! Someone loves your eyes and your smile and if you don't believe me I promise it's true . As soon as you let go of what's hurting you , it will appear back in that mirror .
Have you ever walked down a street reading a book ? Not noticing what's around you ?
Your reading an old story and everyone is watching . Put the book down !!!
That love is waiting , maybe a new job , a smile , a joy , so many things .
So go write down all the the things that are causing you sadness or pain since you can ever remember . Then tear it up ! Burn it ! Yes burn it ! And never visit it again !
I'm currently standing in line waiting to get lunch for my co workers . Wearing a black suit and black heels , the line is long the crowd full of men . Let's talk about regret as I wait . Why am I reminded of regret ? Because as I stand here in a room full of testosterone and I'm being eyed like today's special I like to remind everyone why we should not regret anything .
Why not be with the one we love ? Why not take that job ? Why not go for our dreams ? Why not go do that bucket list ?
Do it !!! Whatever it is !!! Instead of dreaming do it !!!
Your going about your day , the sun shines bright the breeze is cool . Your driving in your car . Your hair is long and golden blowing in the spring air . Skin glowing , the phone rings ...
The music filters back to melancholy back drop where moments ago it drowned out everything around you . Your heart drops .
The blinders fall , the voice on the other end doesn't seem so friendly any more . They begin to tell you the story . About how one sentence falls to the pit of one's stomach turning to every regret , of why I didn't say I love you ? Why I worked so much and lived less ? Why I wasted so much time with people who didn't love me and left behind the one's who really did ?
I should've fought harder ! Traveled more!
Stood up to my enemies !
But there is no time left .
You hang up the phone . Realizing there's been a dial tone for a long while.
2 months to live they say .
Live every day as if it were your last . Take your blinders off . Ask your self . If I called you what would you change today?
I find that in losing a lost love for any reason , we ponder day and night how to get it back .
You can pray for the answer , google the answer , cry all night ... But nothing will help . In the end my advice is follow your heart . Fight for it one time and in that one time give it your all , and if it dosent work , walk away .
If they love you , they will come back. . Otherwise you deserve more . I know it's hard . But if they love you the way you love them they will find you . I promise . If they don't , I mean really it's their loss ..
I can't stress this enough. The one thing I have learned in my thirty ( something years ) Is be your self. I learned no matter what when you are dating or , just out in life , be you. We start dating someone new we dress their way, dye our hair a certain color. I am not saying not to be a better you , That my friends is a good thing. What I am saying is do not change you to be like them. For them to like you. The likeness should come naturally. We want acceptance so bad, and love , we do whatever it takes to get it. If that is the case they are not for you ) Love and acceptance should come naturally , flaws and all.
Again , if your love makes you want to try new things , this is a good thing. I am not saying not to do that. I am just saying don't change to gain acceptance. From anyone. Even friends.
I'll tell you a story. One day about 5 years ago . I had a terrible day at work. I was disheveled and my long blonde hair was in so many different ways. My dark brown eyes I am sure looked black. My mom took me to dinner at Claim Jumper. Their he was a 6 Ft tall dark hair , dark skin handsome man who stood before me. He worked their as a manager. He told my sister who also worked their that he thought I was a 10.
I'm a 10? I laughed. My point is , where your head high, smile on and always believe in your self. Because you never know who might fall in love with you , I mean he did and were still friends today ;)
To all my girls , prudes , straight laced , yes you ... All of you . Long term , marrieds and gf's , this is for you . Don't scrunch your nose up at me . I'm a master at men when it comes to this department so listen up !!!! This is sex it up boot camp!!!
Have you heard the term what peter won't do , Paul will do ? That goes for you ladies too !!! No matter what you think about your lazy dirty men .. There are woman , scantily clad woman , no panty wearing woman after your men .
So , here's how to keep it fresh . I don't care your age , weight .
I'm waiting at Starbucks . The barista is beautiful in her auburn hair and pale pink lips , blue eyes and tall thin body . The atmosphere is sophomoric the music is melancholy and I'm dreaming of my morning coffee and writing this blog in my head . The term beauty comes to mind . How many hours woman spend to look beautiful in front of the mirror ...
I sit here watching the girl behind the barista making my coffee .. Her hair a shade of pink I've never seen , her eyes a deep brown and her smile radiates the room . This my friends brings beauty to the whole place ... I guarantee she spent 5 minutes in front of a mirror and it's a great reminder , to lead your day with a beautiful smile .
I think for me in my experience being I speak as closely as a man as any woman I know . When I see a guy I think within 5 seconds bang or no bang . The right of passage as a woman acting candidly on it , probability is a no , but I'm assuming men think on the same level . Now on the other hand woman are more ( I want to put this politically correct ) emotional creatures . So our bang or no bang theory can easily go out the window as soon as a man opens his mouth .
Every day we get offered sex a million times by guys . By pigs , I can't tell you how us woman roll our eyes in groups at your stupidity . Yes this is what woman talk about . The low scum bag form of men , who instead of asking how our day is , say , " hey baby I'm gonna rub my cock on you ." Or " send me a picture " . Now if .... We are in pursuit of you and have established this form of relationship already then this is fine . But really ? To just come up to new girl and say hey I want that pussy ?
I get it if a girl went up to a guy and said hey , let's bang , he would be ecstatic . But in real life that wouldn't last long either . As long as this blog excerpt . So I think every one here gets my point ....
It takes a little effort .
As far as love it can happen in an instant . For me it was like my title lightning , and that it hit me all at once , It can happen for both men and woman . In there minds , and hearts .
Keep it classy .
The one for you will hear the song you play .
I have admitly read a hundred of those ask men articles for answers on just about everything . In retrospect I've learned with out reading all of them , correct me if I'm wrong .. Men are simple creatures . If they want it they will go for it , if they don't they won't . It's really that simple. Sure there are and could be a hundred reasons why they won't . But in the end if they aren't chasing you does even one reason matter ? These facts I know are hard to face . Trust me . I face them as well, we all do . Why he isn't calling , or why this or that . Unless your waiting for some answer , then you probably need to move on .
If he is in deed perusing you , well then may the force be with you , and by all means keep his interest . Ladies you make so many mistakes . Also in long term relationships how to keep him from getting bored . Don't turn your noses up at me . Because there will always be a pretty girl begging for your man's attention ! So no matter how long you been together keep him on his toes girls !!! My next blog will be about how to keep it interesting .....
Best advice I got was from my best friends ... A group of guys all very good looking , very rich and very bad boys . Best group to get opinions on for sex .
How to keep his attention ? Do not have sex !
What was that you say ?
Do not have sex !
In fact do nothing for as long as possible ! 3 or 4 months . I mean it girls . You girls give it up to easy !!! Same for guys . Girls are tired of being treated like sex objects . We get offered sex so many times a day it's redic ! Hello !!! I am more than my female counter parts !!!
So on both sides try to not to have sex ! You will thank me for it .
Why to choose ? You ask ? Why give up the freedom of free sex and no commitment? Because you will always have a void a dark space you are trying to fill. What is that part , that runs so far from intimacy ... You are filling it with everything else but will never be fo filled .
Giving your self may sound like garbage I know ! I once mocked love songs and love stories I was that girl !!! I am still ... But the difference is .. I know now what true surrender means .
True love means joy in your day for no reason. . Purpose , you become a better person , healthier . More patient . You set new goals . You see the other person in the things you do .
You dream more . You become you . Instead of hiding . You have a best friend , you trust .
There are so many reasons . Trust me . You become brave. , you take risk . You are not a coward anymore. . Embrace it .
Does love need to be complicated ? I mean three day rules , who is chasing whom ? How long until we sleep with him . Make him work for it and above all else self respect girls . There was a time I admit I was dating 3 or 4 strapping lads at a time . I didn't care when I responded or who loved me . I was selfish . I traveled the world and I was beautiful and my ego was based on the attention I got from these men . I didn't care who I hurt and how I got it . It sounds aweful I know . It's funny , men tell me I'm gullable but I'm not I was on the other end . I was the player . I laughed at taking other woman's men and I was bad person . But ladies and gentleman that was years ago I'm writing this blog to tell the world what is and isn't worth it . I was emotionally unavailable .
I resorted to being single for 4 years and opened up my heart and decided to actually give this love thing a try . Guess what I fell hard. For an amazing man . He is my world , for me to risk it all , I mean everything for him was huge for me . I gave him my whole heart . Currently it didn't work out but I was at least brave enough to try . And the old me will never resurface again . Giving your whole heart is living .
Yes , my advice is to not sleep with someone until your in a relationship . Yes , do not give yourself just because you need attention . Give yourself because you love the person . If you love someone give 100% or you will never know what was meant to be .
Don't run !!!!
If your in something that's not 100% question it and walk away .
This blog is a girls view on love . Honest straight forward blog . So please if you have questions or opinions please share . I am 36 years old . I work hard and am very independent , I am also single. For years I played the field and left a trail of broken hearts . I then got married to a not so nice man and divorced . Took 4 years off the dating scene and here I am writing this blog . Why you ask ? For three reasons .
1. I met the "one " the love at first sight thing I never believed in and yes I'm an unemotionally unavailable cynic
2. So far # 1 by my luck he hasn't come around
3. It seems many girls have this problem
Being I'm the most un romantic person I know and my #1 has changed my life I have decided to write this blog for all man kind as we know it . So other people may not suffer the same fate as I . Or will they ? I mean true love is a risk right ? To finally risk it all , everything ? Life as we know it for " that one " person ?