I write this blog because I've learned a whole lot of lessons . Being a rape victim as a young girl I spent most of my teen years on meth trying to not feel much of anything and as far as emotions I had a no vacancy sign hanging around my neck for most of my life .
I was good at saving you but not myself . As long as I was saving you , I was ok . But I was mostly jumping ship from one person to the next , never letting anyone close to me . So mostly the guys I adore are the same way . That is ok with me because I understand them . We have pain .
Like one of my best friends said , Sarah , " Amy you always have your toes in many ponds ." This is true .
There has been only one person who has captured my attention .
One day 5 years ago God healed me of all of this . But is it still hard . Yes . Do I do drugs of course not .
Do I want to be alone ? No . But I am . I'm guessing without knowing I'm still carrying that sign . But I don't want to .
I've thought a lot about this , the past few months and this week . I want to be emotionally available .
But how ? That's the next chapter