Friday, May 22, 2015

Childs Love

As I leave my daughter this morning at pre - school something happened as we did our morning routine of giving each other's hands about a thousand kisses ( in case we miss each other later we have extra kisses ) we hug and say our sweet good byes . Raigan is almost 4 and she's pretty smart and emotional . 

When she first started in school she would scream so hard and cry I couldn't bear it . The teacher would have to hold her back and all the kisses in the world wouldn't help . I would digress to my car in tears . In all the turmoil she was in , I swear I was in more watching her cry . 

Did anyone understand the pain mothers go through ? I wanted to save her so bad 
I couldn't . 
The days went on and on , crying and crying every day . One day I thought to do something silly as she watched me walk away , I danced shaking my booty shamelessly in the parking lot in my Jammie's . She laughed so hard . Along with 50 other kids , as parents stared in judgement , I didn't care , it took her pain away . Every day I've danced for her .

This morning she didn't ask me to dance as I walked away . I was glad and sad . It's been 2 1/2 years today nothing . I walked away thinking my baby growing up . 

As I made my way down the hall I heard her screaming and crying I ran back asked her what's wrong as tears streamed down her face , she said , mommy you didn't do the booty dance !

I hugged her , and danced . I was almost relieved . 

It's funny how much we love our children and how much these small things mean to us , even if it's a booty dance . 

It's love 

- Agent Orange 

Monday, May 18, 2015


36 has come and gone . This past year has been the most amazing and the most heart breaking . 
I've found myself in situations I never thought I would be brave enough to ever stand to do and at the same time left situations I never thought I'd have the courage to leave . 

Starting beginning of last year I had to say good bye to the most amazing man I ever met . Flying to Colorado to do it , driving race cars and going home . 

I had an amazing fun job driving 200k cars racing on freeways with my best friends staying up all night laughing . 

I had hard times as a single mom when months were slow , or hurting my back and my trainer trying to get me back to health . Teaching me how to be strong physically and mentally . What a rough journey it's been . 

Also  finding myself on my knees praying as a single mom working 300 hours a month trying to pay the bills trying to make it to the gym , trying to see my friends and love my kids , find love all over again . 

Yes in 2 weeks I'll be 37 , I have a new job . It's the people who love us who help me get through . 

May we reach every goal this year - 

- Agent Orange