Monday, March 9, 2015

The Big No

This blog is being drafted at 2 am . While listening to Pearl Jam . Typically it's Tori Amos or something iconic but I'm writing about something profound . I know so many people will disagree to this excerpt . But bear with me as I write nails on chalk board because it's the gritty truth people beg and pay to hear . I'm writing it to you for free .

As a woman you grow up with men caring more about getting into your panties then into your heart . This is true for all woman I suppose , I'm not any more or less special than any one else .
I grew up in a even more disadvantage as a victim of child rape so I believed that sex meant love . So boy was I confused .

The more they wanted me the more they loved me right ? Well when the wanting part was gone I found myself alone and hurt and confused . I learned growing up that God had more for me that love meant a whole lot more . But it was a battle . The lie was built into me it was apart of me . I think it's true whether we are a victim or not . Society tells us to be flawless to be good enough to receive sex and in turn get love .  This is wrong .

I dreamed my whole life I would meet a man who would say no to me . Who would want to love me . Does that sound crazy ?  After years of being used and receiving no love I seek the opposite . Someone who chooses to seek me first .....

Then everything else after . Do I want to have sex ? Yes . But to someone who doesn't care ? No .
I've waited 36 years to tell this story . Do I have issues ? No . Am I ok ? Yes. I just seek the love I deserve and the point of this blog is so should you . Don't believe lies that the world tells you .

- Agent Orange

Best Intentions

I pass quietly through an empty parking lot . The sun is shining bright on a warm March day . As I walked to the car I over heard a man complaining about his wife to another man on the side of the building , so here goes today's blog . The re invention of friendship . Marriage , if you look at it simply broken down your supposed to be ( best friends ) I don't care roll your eyes at me , but it's true. Say what you will . He said she said bull shit ... It's a two way street . Would you lie to your best friend ? Cheat ? Talk bad about them ? Your married one year or 40 doesn't matter . If you have issues with the best friend part then guess what , you have issues with the unconditional love part .
Sacrificial love .

So Instead of complaining to someone else , communicate to your best friend . That's a concept . Another is every day I watch couples cut each other down . No respect at all . This all falls down to the one simple thing .
If you don't believe me Practice it every day until you get it . I know I would never consider marrying again unless I had this 100% .

I'm not into chick flicks or sappy romance movies believe me , but in the movie the notebook when they died together that's real , that happens .....

Drop your pride and your selfishness and love

- Agent Orange