Sunday, December 27, 2015


The homeless man grants me a smile as I walk past , I think it's the first gift of the day . I walk into Starbucks it's cold and December likes to remind me of the comings and the " goings " . 

I realised this morning at half past 4 I wasn't ready for you just as much as you weren't ready for me . But I let you know me the opportunity was there , and you never read one page . 

So I sit here drinking my tea on my lunch break wondering why am I alone . Darlings I struggle with the idea , but believe me these things are by choice . 
Have you heard - to think is to create ? 

I'm much smarter then I let on to audiences who don't take the time , so if you have no clue what I'm saying then this story is not written for you . 

My audience knows me . Since I have 2% left on my phone , I'm left to find love once again , but for the person who wants to invest , and what is investing you ask ? 

- Agent Orange 

Sunday, December 13, 2015

From 313

It's day 4 in this hospital . I'm alone and I thought maybe I could write something insightful . Driving to work and feeling like the devil was crushing my heart in half , I thought should I go to work or the hospital . Sadly , this is what a single mom thinks . Bills , children , sales goals, before my health . Maybe it's what landed me here now . 15 hour days , energy drinks to get through them . 

On my drive to the hospital I called my mom scared and I told her , I can't die like this . I'm 37 . Nothing was right . I wasn't where I wanted to be and my kids needed me . My heart was pounding I was in pain , I couldn't breathe . I imagined I might not make it to the hospital , but I just told her over and over I can't die like this mom . 

My whole life I've fought for everything 
And it wouldn't end now . 

This blog isn't my eye opener blog . But what it is about is no matter what keep your faith In God , keep people in your life who care for you . I mean the ones who have your back , that means loyalty . 

Get rid of the rest . No excuses . None . 
If someone cares ( truly ) they will show up in a way that says , I care . You won't doubt it . They won't hurt you . 

Secondly fight for your dreams . 
And never stop believing . 

Lastly always love unconditionally . That means loving with out expecting return 

What a concept . 

Love you all 

-Agent Orange 

Thursday, December 3, 2015

The Way Things Go

Life seems complicated at times , but if you stick to the basics it's pretty simple . 

Like follow through , or integrity or words and actions should always go hand in hand or they mean nothing . 

If I promised you the most beautiful roses gave you the seeds and the pot but no water , what good was the seeds ??? 

What value is their in that ? Nothing . I've written a 100 blogs on this , seems like people just don't get it . 

I've seen this week relationships break up due to this simple concept . 

If you care about someone - you follow through on your word . And when you do you both feel safe that's how trust is born 

When you don't - you say - that person is not valuable , and they are not important to you . 

I don't know about you , but I'm valuable so if someone dosent see me that way - 

Then by by . 

- Agent Orange 

Tuesday, November 17, 2015


There's something to goodbyes isn't their 
The way we let certain memories come and go as they please into our hearts and our minds . Reeking havoc and setting the path into the new thread of memories to come . 

Some say we do not choose our destiny. 
I fully believe that is true . But you can keep destiny from happening . Is that true ? Maybe , maybe not . 

Can anything stop true love ? Can you hold on to one thing , making it impossible to take the next journey ? 

If you have my heart how can I give it to him ? But maybe destiny says its his. 
Who really has the answer to these benchmarks . 

Maybe the answers are good bye for now . Hello for today . Maybe it's a new future were headed on too - 

But it's all part of the journey . Just listen 


- Agent Orange 

Thursday, November 5, 2015

They Asked

What it is I'm looking for - 

I was talking to an old friend last week , he said , what do you want Amy ? I said ," A best friend I can do things with and have sex with and cuddle is that so hard to find ?. " 
He replied ' that's love my dear . 

I've been single so many years I don't look for anything and have found true love once . Since then I've found one person who maybe could fit a close second to the bill .  But I thought - so we're back at square one . 

I think it's funny we have these things we look for , and that's the problem . You have to take that list and burn it . I'm serious . I know you think I've gone a little mad , but it's true . 

The only 1 important thing to me is faith in God . 

Other than that , it's about 2 people connecting on a whole different level . 
Has nothing to do with his car , career , or anything else for that matter . 

Let's take an example - 
I may go on a date with a guy who is very attractive , good job , smart , exc exc - 

But - if there is no connection I'm yawning . Am I right ? 

I once had an instant connection with someone over a picture . I talked to him it only grew more . The connection is still strong today . It's rare thing to find . 

It wasn't because of his job , or car . It just was their . 

I feel him when he is not their , I know when he is going to drop back in my life in advance . ( connections ) that stuff is not fake or lust . 

I can date and talk to many guys , but not find a soul connection . 

I had this only once before on a higher level a few years ago . Much deeper though . 

My point is , people say , Amy what are you looking for ? 

Honestly before I die I just want to know that someone loved me , like I loved them , in a soul connection . 

I'm not a romantic at all . But in this instance I may be I guess . Maybe the only time you will ever read anything like this , so this post is as rare as love at first sight ...... 

So please write your list - and burn it . 
Because what your looking for will not fit in any of your boxes . 

And your welcome . 

- Agent Orange 

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

The Plan

Life is a stage , play your part - William Shakespeare . 

I'm writing today from a dark place , I feel it inside . The past 4 months have been blessings from God left and right , then the month of October came crashing down all around me like a bad movie . 

We all know I'm first up to the punching bag and I'm not one to lose , so there is a lesson here . It's only at this moment it has come full circle in the big picture . 

In July I was financially so far behind I was pulling my hair out , turning in change for gas and eating snacks at work for meals . Things were bad . I was trying hard but nothing was working . I finally had that moment where I broke down and called my mom , " mom how can I do this another day ? I'm not sleeping , eating , I can't pay my bills , 
I just couldn't see around the next bend .

That very night was Raigans birthday party , I paid the last of the items for her birthday with about 20 bucks to spare . 

The party was over , my ex father in law came to me after all the guest had left the house and he told me God asked him to pray for me . I of course said yes ! I needed prayer . 

I sat eagerly , what was it God ? 
My ex father in law began to pray , he said God would bless me and not to worry and that I could find rest tonight . 

I was in tears . My ex father in law knew nothing I had told my mom or my situation , I knew it was God . 

My numbers began to go up at work I even made a list of goals to accomplish that I never could and through September I accomplished all of them but 1. I was so blessed . 

But I still doubted God in other areas of my life , relationships were failing , other things were happening I was wondering where are you God ? 
Then in October I had the worst sales month ever ! 

I then realized after a few events took place that God is here his hand is in everything . I needed to realize he is watching over me . 
Weather it's a bad relationship , friendship or work he is in it he is in control . October has been a hard lesson even though I'm in a dark place I know November will be better !!!! 

God has a future and a plan - never doubt it 

- Agent Orange 

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Picky Dating - EH

The ‘Picky Problem’ in Dating: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Love Life


In this latest blog, licensed psychologist Dr. Seth Meyers addresses all of you super picky daters out there! Could this just be an excuse you are creating to not find love? Hmm…

I’ve heard it said a million times before: “I’m really picky.”

93436769The subject, of course, is pickiness in dating, and countless men and women tell themselves they can’t find a mate because they’re just too picky. But before we go further, we need to pump the breaks: There is healthy picky and unhealthy picky. Briefly, I’ll define both so there’s no confusion, and you can use the information to make sure you’re on the right romantic path.

Healthy Picky: You’re careful about who you get involved with, taking things slowly in the beginning, not moving into the bedroom too quickly, and remaining on guard for a couple months or so until you have a sense of who this new person really is. In between relationships, you take some time off and reflect on why the last relationship didn’t work, and after a while you resolve those issues and begin a fresh relationship with someone new.

Extremely Picky: Deep down, you want to be with someone but can’t seem to find the right fit. You spend more time being single than in relationships, and you have a habit of finding a range of faults in prospective dates. You sometimes focus on little things which end up causing the demise of the relationship, and you tell yourself you have a hard time meeting the right one for you because you’re just so…picky.

The Fear Factor: It goes without saying that it’s not so great if you fall into the extremely picky camp. What’s underneath unhealthy pickiness? What causes someone to be so picky and overly discerning? In one word: Fear. Extreme pickiness is a giant blob of defense mechanisms with an underlying fear of a real long-term romantic relationship. Underneath it all, people who are extremely picky are afraid to depend on someone for fear of getting hurt. They’re often afraid of being seen for who they really are or having someone they date see flaws or weaknesses in them.

For most people, they wade into relationships with the usual caution, knowing they might get hurt and that they will be seen in all their glory — flaws and all. Nevertheless, the possibility that the relationship could be a good and comforting one makes it worth the risk. For people who are unhealthily picky, on the other hand, the possibility of a long-term relationship does the opposite of soothing them: It actually stresses them out! A lot!

If you are someone who is extremely picky, it means that you (unconsciously) work hard to find faults with prospective partners as a means of self-protection. It makes sense, too, in a twisted kind of way: If you find enough faults to decide so-and-so is not the right match for you, eventually you can put off everyone and will never have to actually face the stress of a long-term relationship. Why? Because you’ll always manage to push all the prospective partners away!

The Good News: I’m happy to reassure you that extremely picky daters can change if they want to do so. The first step is to admit the problem, and it’s not that you’re “picky.” The real problem is that you’re afraid.

How to Solve the Picky Problem:

  • Once you can be honest with yourself about your fear of what a long-term relationship could bring, write down the reasons why you might be more afraid of relationships than the average person. Is your extreme pickiness related to the family you grew up in where there was a lot of fighting or where a parent left? Is it because you were made fun of in school, and have always carried a little insecurity with you as a result? Is it because a previous boyfriend or girlfriend really hurt you in the past? Figure out what your reasons are and write them down.
  • Next, tell a couple of your closest friends about your epiphany, and tell them to point it out to you whenever you start getting negative or finding fault with a prospective date. Your friends are there to help support you, and it’s important to practice being vulnerable with people you trust. If the relationship is a good one — whether it’s friendship, romance, whatever — you can be vulnerable with the other person and won’t face any negative consequences for letting your guards down.
  • Finally, make a rule for yourself where you won’t decide if you really like someone until you’ve had at least three or four dates with a person. By giving your dates more of a chance, you will also find that you start judging others less and actually like the process of dating more!

No one believes in the power to change to more than a psychotherapist, and I watch people change every day in my office. My heart goes out to those men and women who have spent years being extremely picky — aka book_Dr_Seths_Love_Prescription_lgtoo afraid — because I believe they have missed out on a lot of the comfort that can come with a long-term relationship. Once you find someone you’re compatible with, you actually create a new family. Ultimately, there is nothing more beautiful than having the power to create a new family from scratch.

Learn more about Dr. Seth Meyers and his book, Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Secret to Success

Success is bred in silence - 

My friend Chris is young and maybe at only 20 something was very rich . We would go into stores in LA . He would pick out the most expensive watches , a woman would look at him like he was trash and refuse to help him . He would leave and spend twice as much some where else . 
Did he look like a punk ? No . He looked like an every day guy who didn't flash his money . I would say , Chris why wouldn't you just tell them ? He would say , " Amy I'm not pulling that card , it's ok ." 

He was one of my best friends his parents had died . Really nice guy . That lady lost a sale based on judgement . 

I remember his words til this day - 
Amy , I'm not pulling that card . 

I started my blogs when I was 12 . To help people who have been abused . To walk hand in hand as I was abused as a kid . To say hey I did it , I'm a survivor and you can survive to . We can be strong together . 

I know what's it's like to be through a lot of hard things . But I'm not a victim I'm a survivor a fighter . It's sad when people try to rip others to shreds . It's an evil world . They do it for no reason . 

Like when Chris walked into that store , just to buy a watch . We walk into situations right , and people who never spent any time with us rip us apart like wolves , 

Our character , our integrity , for what reason ? 
So Amy , what is this blog about ? I'll tell you . 
Chris could've said , hey I'm a millionaire 
I'm this , I'm that . Right ? 

Or in any war we can tell any person who is lacking in their own life who would rather start a smear campaign against you , about why they should stop is just a waste of your energy . 

Because - why pull that card ? 

If one fool is arguing and another joins , can you tell who is the fool ? 

If you have an army of friends , family who love you does it matter what one enemy thinks ? 

If anyone follows your enemies than they never believed in you anyway and they weren't worried about facts . 

My advice is just keep being you - 
Let the fools fall all on their own . 

- Agent Orange 

Saturday, September 26, 2015

The Love Project - book

The love project is a book I'm writing . The journey I have already shared with all of you . Not only loving your self but fo filling loving others . Not becoming a victim to anyone's circumstance and pushing yourself to become your own butterfly and achieve dreams with out letting others pull you down with their own insecurities . 

As a child I was told I was not pretty enough not good enough by the man who raped me as a young girl . I couldn't tell the secrets of this rape I began to write to find my voice . Through this I found a musician and poet Tori Amos who teaches beauty comes from individuality , freedom of expression and love through art and history . 
It's through this I was born through my writing and found beauty through pain . 

As I grew up I had a ridged family , where something's were not acceptable , some music , tattoos , exc .... 
I think the same is true in society today so many people grow up with out their voice , some where along the way some one took it away - 

We go by what rules say or magazines say and it's wrong . The most beautiful things come from loving people for who they are . If someone is pointing the finger at you telling you , you are not ok that is not true at all - it's because they don't love who they are . 

Let me share some lyrics from Tori Amos read them carefully ok - 

Hey kid
I've got a ride for you
They say your brain is a comic book tattoo
And you'll never be anything
"What will you do with your life"
Oh, that's all you hear
From noon till night

Take a trip on a rocket ship baby
Where the sea is the sky
I know the guy who runs the place
And he's out of sight
Flying Duchman
Are you out there?
Flying Duchman
Are you out there?
Flying Duchman

Straight suits
They don't understand
She tried that one with the alligator boots

Read more:  Tori Amos - Flying Duchman 

Some people live in pain . But it's our job to have joy and to love . I'm tired of hearing , " Amy your 37 why did you get that tattoo " . Ummmm me and everyone else . And why does it matter if I fly to the moon ? Let's ask this question . Am I good parent ? A hard worker ? Yes . So why can't you just love me unconditionally ? 

I'm writing this blog for everyone and I hope this post gets shared . It's not just about tattoos you see it's about dreams and being brave and being supportive . 

Love each other . When you don't your teaching your children and grandchildren not to love . And your teaching them to not love unconditionally !!!!! Your teaching them to love with terms and conditions !!!!! 

It makes my stomach hurt . It makes me sad . You have a dream follow it ! You want to pierce your nose at 80 do it ! 

This is the love project . I'm writing a book help spread the word and the love . Please share this blog . 

- Agent Orange 

Amy Everett 

Friday, September 25, 2015

Goal Post

Foo fighters - ever long is a great song , My friend Phil got me listening to it now it's my turn to get you to listen to it . And as it streams through my head phones I will write today's blog -

I started this blog a year and half ago . I wanted it to encourage others in hope and in love . Sometimes I read back and I encourage myself on the days I forget how strong I am . 

The one thing I always say to any one is keep your integrity and be you . When friends ask for advice I tell them the same. Sometimes in life we get hurt or others will hurt us . But as long as you can look in the mirror and say I have integrity and I'm being true to myself your doing ok . 

Secondly focus on the goals at hand . I have set goals I write them down and crush them . Maybe there are a few I got close that's ok too . You keep pushing keep making new goals . 

Sometimes the higher you get the more heat you get . People don't like to see others accomplishing anything . It doesn't matter how nice you are , or who you are , you can't please the masses . 

Keep your focus on the finish line . You can't win watching the side lines . 

Thirdly - to your friends and enemies give love . This is called character . I mean your going to win right ? All that matters is who's at the end cheering you on . 

It's rough I know . Don't lose your joy , sometimes I do , but I'm reminded God is there , friends are there , and look to some of the great people on your journey 

Never give up !! Follow the rules 

-agent orange 

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

How Does It Grow

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now- Once Lyrics 

Choice is such a key word right ? Or is it . 
Do we choose to love , do we choose who we love ?  Maybe there are different forms of love . 
We chose a husband or wife , the marriage is going bad , someone chooses not to work on it , marriage is work , then someone chooses to either to revive it or let the fire die . Choices . 
I fill out an app on online dating , they check all my boxes , their nice . We get married . Choices . 
But what happens when - 
Your sitting in a meeting or at a bar or any where for that matter and someone walks into a room and it hits you instantly 
It's not lust - it's love at first sight . You can't sleep or eat , from that moment on its a connection between you and them .
Who chooses this for you ? Most importantly how do we choose out ? We can't . Those are imprinted like cuspids stamp on our soul . To never be removed or forgotten . 
So - is true love meant to happen this way ? The kind that you have no control over ? 
Or do I dare the nice guy and let it grow . Choices . Love is a choice . But some love isn't . The kind that wrecks you , that messes you and kills you . You know the stories about lovers who die together in old age ? I bet they loved at first sight . 
We call those twin flames . I've met mine.
Once . I also had the other kind of love , and the love at first sight erases all love before it . 
Can it happen again ? Or do we just check the boxes . I can't move on to an ordinary life now . 
So tell me , have you known the difference ? 

Revision : this morning I see hot guy at gas station we exchange smiles and I'm reminded - chemistry is everything . Have a good day ;) 

- Agent Orange 

Sunday, August 30, 2015


Are we destined to lose what we love most ? 

I'm not sure , I have the answer to this question anymore . I have no faith in forever never have . People put their beliefs in me and it may seem harsh or cold but I'm just not one to believe in all that warm fuzzy love stuff . 

Call me a cynic . It all makes me throw up a little in my mouth . I'm guarded . Until 2 years ago I met someone who changed my life . Made me a believer . 

I've been chasing the light at the end of the tunnel ever since . It's called faith .
I knew in an instant I loved him before I knew his name . It sounded as crazy to you as it did to me ! Obviously . 

I'm sitting in Starbucks drinking coffee and me and my mr right are separated by a cruel twist of fate - so what now ? 

Will it work out ? Will it work out with someone else ? Being I didn't believe in the first place ? 
For the first time in my life I have no answers . 

Have you ever been in this place ? 

- Agent Orange 

Friday, August 28, 2015

Regretting A Break Up

Have you ever stayed friends with an ex?


My friend Nora and I were talking recently about a man she had been in a relationship with over 6 years ago and stayed friends with. In fact they are almost best friends.


Nora recently moved from New York to San Francisco and so she is immersed in a new job, new environment, trying to make new friends.


With that comes naturally missing the old and familiar.


So her best friend (and ex) Tom came to visit and they had an awesome time.


Being with him was so easy. They just fit.


She said, “I don’t feel like I have to try. We have similar interests and sometimes we don’t even have to say anything, it just feels totally normal and good.”


When Tom left to go back to New York, a questioning started brewing for Nora.


She emailed me somewhat frantically, asking “should I get back with my ex?” He is such a great person and she didn’t want to MISS OUT if he were to find another woman.


Remembering what wasn’t working.


When we got on the phone to talk it through, my first question was, “Why did you break up with him in the first place?”


She explained that at the time he really didn’t have his life together, he didn’t have a job, he was depressed, and she just couldn’t put herself through that - which was totally valid.


Then I said, “What if tomorrow Tom was in a relationship with a girl, how would that make you feel?”


She said, “I would feel like I totally missed out on an awesome man.”


Then I asked, “Are you still attracted to him?”


Nora said, “Well that’s the thing. Not really, but that can change right? I used to be attracted to him when we were dating.”


If you can feel just through the words I am writing what I could feel through the phone, there was A LOT of HEAD and not enough HEART.


I said, “I can’t hear the excitement for you. All I hear is you are afraid he is going to move on and you are going to be left single forever.”


She had stopped trusting herself.


Nora was like, “Yeah I guess you’re right. I just stopped trusting myself when it comes to love and making choices.”


I asked, “Who doesn’t trust your judgment - your mom or your dad?”


She immediately said her mom.


That’s when it hit me.


It was so clear that she wasn’t excited about Tom but there was a voice inside of her saying “Don’t trust yourself, you don’t want to miss out” and I could tell that wasn’t her.


That voice was actually Nora’s mom’s inside of her head.


I checked in with Nora via email to see what hit her after the call.


This is what she wrote:


What hit me the most was that my mom thinking I’m making the wrong choices, and trying to tell me what she thinks the right choices are, makes me second-guess myself constantly.


I didn’t realize how much her voice is in my head.  Her whole ideology that we are responsible for everything in our lives translates into me blaming myself any time anything isn’t perfect in my life and concluding that I must have made the wrong choices.


She thinks if anything is wrong, it must be because I messed something up and now I need to fix it – and usually she has already “figured out” how.


If I’m not happy with my dating life, I obsessively go back to decisions I’ve made and try to figure out where I went wrong and what I should have done instead, which is unproductive and undermines my confidence and belief in myself.


It seems to be empowering for her to feel like she has complete control over everything in her life, but for me it’s not empowering at all – it’s exhausting and discouraging.  


The tricky part about believing you are the creator of your life.


Now I totally believe that the healthiest way to lead your life (to get WAY more of what you want and feel empowered) is to believe that YOU are the creator of your life.


Meaning, you can shift and alter your life according to what you believe (and often you have to change those beliefs to actually get what you want). Some beliefs are stopping you from having what you desire.


I also want to add an AND – a BIG AND.


You aren’t doing it alone; there is so much you can’t see.


In fact, scientists say that in any moment your brain is actually only retaining 2% and 98% of what you’re experiencing will be lost.


What the human brain can comprehend and understand is a drop in the ocean compared to the amount of knowledge out in the world.


So, to think that we literally have control over everyone and everything is absurd.


We are co-creating with the cosmos, Universe, karma.


And for some of you that is REALLY helpful to hear.


It can feel like you don’t have to carry the world on your shoulders.


Your Lovework is to tell me in the comments over on the blog if you are struggling with trusting your choices in men. Have you ever considered dating a man you knew wasn’t right because you were afraid you would miss out on something better?


In love,

Agent Orange