Sunday, December 27, 2015

Value

The homeless man grants me a smile as I walk past , I think it's the first gift of the day . I walk into Starbucks it's cold and December likes to remind me of the comings and the " goings " . 

I realised this morning at half past 4 I wasn't ready for you just as much as you weren't ready for me . But I let you know me the opportunity was there , and you never read one page . 

So I sit here drinking my tea on my lunch break wondering why am I alone . Darlings I struggle with the idea , but believe me these things are by choice . 
Have you heard - to think is to create ? 

I'm much smarter then I let on to audiences who don't take the time , so if you have no clue what I'm saying then this story is not written for you . 

My audience knows me . Since I have 2% left on my phone , I'm left to find love once again , but for the person who wants to invest , and what is investing you ask ? 

- Agent Orange 
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Sunday, December 13, 2015

From 313

It's day 4 in this hospital . I'm alone and I thought maybe I could write something insightful . Driving to work and feeling like the devil was crushing my heart in half , I thought should I go to work or the hospital . Sadly , this is what a single mom thinks . Bills , children , sales goals, before my health . Maybe it's what landed me here now . 15 hour days , energy drinks to get through them . 

On my drive to the hospital I called my mom scared and I told her , I can't die like this . I'm 37 . Nothing was right . I wasn't where I wanted to be and my kids needed me . My heart was pounding I was in pain , I couldn't breathe . I imagined I might not make it to the hospital , but I just told her over and over I can't die like this mom . 

My whole life I've fought for everything 
And it wouldn't end now . 

This blog isn't my eye opener blog . But what it is about is no matter what keep your faith In God , keep people in your life who care for you . I mean the ones who have your back , that means loyalty . 

Get rid of the rest . No excuses . None . 
If someone cares ( truly ) they will show up in a way that says , I care . You won't doubt it . They won't hurt you . 

Secondly fight for your dreams . 
And never stop believing . 

Lastly always love unconditionally . That means loving with out expecting return 

What a concept . 

Love you all 

-Agent Orange 
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Thursday, December 3, 2015

The Way Things Go

Life seems complicated at times , but if you stick to the basics it's pretty simple . 

Like follow through , or integrity or words and actions should always go hand in hand or they mean nothing . 

If I promised you the most beautiful roses gave you the seeds and the pot but no water , what good was the seeds ??? 

What value is their in that ? Nothing . I've written a 100 blogs on this , seems like people just don't get it . 

I've seen this week relationships break up due to this simple concept . 

If you care about someone - you follow through on your word . And when you do you both feel safe that's how trust is born 

When you don't - you say - that person is not valuable , and they are not important to you . 

I don't know about you , but I'm valuable so if someone dosent see me that way - 

Then by by . 

- Agent Orange 
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Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Fate

There's something to goodbyes isn't their 
The way we let certain memories come and go as they please into our hearts and our minds . Reeking havoc and setting the path into the new thread of memories to come . 

Some say we do not choose our destiny. 
I fully believe that is true . But you can keep destiny from happening . Is that true ? Maybe , maybe not . 

Can anything stop true love ? Can you hold on to one thing , making it impossible to take the next journey ? 

If you have my heart how can I give it to him ? But maybe destiny says its his. 
Who really has the answer to these benchmarks . 

Maybe the answers are good bye for now . Hello for today . Maybe it's a new future were headed on too - 

But it's all part of the journey . Just listen 

11:11 

- Agent Orange 
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Thursday, November 5, 2015

They Asked

What it is I'm looking for - 

I was talking to an old friend last week , he said , what do you want Amy ? I said ," A best friend I can do things with and have sex with and cuddle is that so hard to find ?. " 
He replied ' that's love my dear . 


I've been single so many years I don't look for anything and have found true love once . Since then I've found one person who maybe could fit a close second to the bill .  But I thought - so we're back at square one . 

I think it's funny we have these things we look for , and that's the problem . You have to take that list and burn it . I'm serious . I know you think I've gone a little mad , but it's true . 

The only 1 important thing to me is faith in God . 

Other than that , it's about 2 people connecting on a whole different level . 
Has nothing to do with his car , career , or anything else for that matter . 

Let's take an example - 
I may go on a date with a guy who is very attractive , good job , smart , exc exc - 

But - if there is no connection I'm yawning . Am I right ? 

I once had an instant connection with someone over a picture . I talked to him it only grew more . The connection is still strong today . It's rare thing to find . 

It wasn't because of his job , or car . It just was their . 

I feel him when he is not their , I know when he is going to drop back in my life in advance . ( connections ) that stuff is not fake or lust . 

I can date and talk to many guys , but not find a soul connection . 

I had this only once before on a higher level a few years ago . Much deeper though . 

My point is , people say , Amy what are you looking for ? 

Honestly before I die I just want to know that someone loved me , like I loved them , in a soul connection . 

I'm not a romantic at all . But in this instance I may be I guess . Maybe the only time you will ever read anything like this , so this post is as rare as love at first sight ...... 

So please write your list - and burn it . 
Because what your looking for will not fit in any of your boxes . 

And your welcome . 

- Agent Orange 



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Tuesday, October 27, 2015

The Plan

Life is a stage , play your part - William Shakespeare . 

I'm writing today from a dark place , I feel it inside . The past 4 months have been blessings from God left and right , then the month of October came crashing down all around me like a bad movie . 

We all know I'm first up to the punching bag and I'm not one to lose , so there is a lesson here . It's only at this moment it has come full circle in the big picture . 

In July I was financially so far behind I was pulling my hair out , turning in change for gas and eating snacks at work for meals . Things were bad . I was trying hard but nothing was working . I finally had that moment where I broke down and called my mom , " mom how can I do this another day ? I'm not sleeping , eating , I can't pay my bills , 
I just couldn't see around the next bend .

That very night was Raigans birthday party , I paid the last of the items for her birthday with about 20 bucks to spare . 

The party was over , my ex father in law came to me after all the guest had left the house and he told me God asked him to pray for me . I of course said yes ! I needed prayer . 

I sat eagerly , what was it God ? 
My ex father in law began to pray , he said God would bless me and not to worry and that I could find rest tonight . 

I was in tears . My ex father in law knew nothing I had told my mom or my situation , I knew it was God . 

My numbers began to go up at work I even made a list of goals to accomplish that I never could and through September I accomplished all of them but 1. I was so blessed . 

But I still doubted God in other areas of my life , relationships were failing , other things were happening I was wondering where are you God ? 
Then in October I had the worst sales month ever ! 

I then realized after a few events took place that God is here his hand is in everything . I needed to realize he is watching over me . 
Weather it's a bad relationship , friendship or work he is in it he is in control . October has been a hard lesson even though I'm in a dark place I know November will be better !!!! 

God has a future and a plan - never doubt it 

- Agent Orange 
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Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Picky Dating - EH

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The ‘Picky Problem’ in Dating: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Love Life

By 

DATING DOS AND DON'TS

In this latest blog, licensed psychologist Dr. Seth Meyers addresses all of you super picky daters out there! Could this just be an excuse you are creating to not find love? Hmm…

I’ve heard it said a million times before: “I’m really picky.”

93436769The subject, of course, is pickiness in dating, and countless men and women tell themselves they can’t find a mate because they’re just too picky. But before we go further, we need to pump the breaks: There is healthy picky and unhealthy picky. Briefly, I’ll define both so there’s no confusion, and you can use the information to make sure you’re on the right romantic path.

Healthy Picky: You’re careful about who you get involved with, taking things slowly in the beginning, not moving into the bedroom too quickly, and remaining on guard for a couple months or so until you have a sense of who this new person really is. In between relationships, you take some time off and reflect on why the last relationship didn’t work, and after a while you resolve those issues and begin a fresh relationship with someone new.

Extremely Picky: Deep down, you want to be with someone but can’t seem to find the right fit. You spend more time being single than in relationships, and you have a habit of finding a range of faults in prospective dates. You sometimes focus on little things which end up causing the demise of the relationship, and you tell yourself you have a hard time meeting the right one for you because you’re just so…picky.

The Fear Factor: It goes without saying that it’s not so great if you fall into the extremely picky camp. What’s underneath unhealthy pickiness? What causes someone to be so picky and overly discerning? In one word: Fear. Extreme pickiness is a giant blob of defense mechanisms with an underlying fear of a real long-term romantic relationship. Underneath it all, people who are extremely picky are afraid to depend on someone for fear of getting hurt. They’re often afraid of being seen for who they really are or having someone they date see flaws or weaknesses in them.

For most people, they wade into relationships with the usual caution, knowing they might get hurt and that they will be seen in all their glory — flaws and all. Nevertheless, the possibility that the relationship could be a good and comforting one makes it worth the risk. For people who are unhealthily picky, on the other hand, the possibility of a long-term relationship does the opposite of soothing them: It actually stresses them out! A lot!

If you are someone who is extremely picky, it means that you (unconsciously) work hard to find faults with prospective partners as a means of self-protection. It makes sense, too, in a twisted kind of way: If you find enough faults to decide so-and-so is not the right match for you, eventually you can put off everyone and will never have to actually face the stress of a long-term relationship. Why? Because you’ll always manage to push all the prospective partners away!

The Good News: I’m happy to reassure you that extremely picky daters can change if they want to do so. The first step is to admit the problem, and it’s not that you’re “picky.” The real problem is that you’re afraid.

How to Solve the Picky Problem:

  • Once you can be honest with yourself about your fear of what a long-term relationship could bring, write down the reasons why you might be more afraid of relationships than the average person. Is your extreme pickiness related to the family you grew up in where there was a lot of fighting or where a parent left? Is it because you were made fun of in school, and have always carried a little insecurity with you as a result? Is it because a previous boyfriend or girlfriend really hurt you in the past? Figure out what your reasons are and write them down.
  • Next, tell a couple of your closest friends about your epiphany, and tell them to point it out to you whenever you start getting negative or finding fault with a prospective date. Your friends are there to help support you, and it’s important to practice being vulnerable with people you trust. If the relationship is a good one — whether it’s friendship, romance, whatever — you can be vulnerable with the other person and won’t face any negative consequences for letting your guards down.
  • Finally, make a rule for yourself where you won’t decide if you really like someone until you’ve had at least three or four dates with a person. By giving your dates more of a chance, you will also find that you start judging others less and actually like the process of dating more!

No one believes in the power to change to more than a psychotherapist, and I watch people change every day in my office. My heart goes out to those men and women who have spent years being extremely picky — aka book_Dr_Seths_Love_Prescription_lgtoo afraid — because I believe they have missed out on a lot of the comfort that can come with a long-term relationship. Once you find someone you’re compatible with, you actually create a new family. Ultimately, there is nothing more beautiful than having the power to create a new family from scratch.

Learn more about Dr. Seth Meyers and his book, Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve.

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