Monday, March 9, 2015

The Big No

This blog is being drafted at 2 am . While listening to Pearl Jam . Typically it's Tori Amos or something iconic but I'm writing about something profound . I know so many people will disagree to this excerpt . But bear with me as I write nails on chalk board because it's the gritty truth people beg and pay to hear . I'm writing it to you for free .

As a woman you grow up with men caring more about getting into your panties then into your heart . This is true for all woman I suppose , I'm not any more or less special than any one else .
I grew up in a even more disadvantage as a victim of child rape so I believed that sex meant love . So boy was I confused .

The more they wanted me the more they loved me right ? Well when the wanting part was gone I found myself alone and hurt and confused . I learned growing up that God had more for me that love meant a whole lot more . But it was a battle . The lie was built into me it was apart of me . I think it's true whether we are a victim or not . Society tells us to be flawless to be good enough to receive sex and in turn get love .  This is wrong .

I dreamed my whole life I would meet a man who would say no to me . Who would want to love me . Does that sound crazy ?  After years of being used and receiving no love I seek the opposite . Someone who chooses to seek me first .....

Then everything else after . Do I want to have sex ? Yes . But to someone who doesn't care ? No .
I've waited 36 years to tell this story . Do I have issues ? No . Am I ok ? Yes. I just seek the love I deserve and the point of this blog is so should you . Don't believe lies that the world tells you .

- Agent Orange

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