Monday, July 17, 2017

Love Project

It's Monday night . 5:32 PM . I'm listening to No Other Love , by Chuck Prophet . It reminds me of my favorite movie PS I Love You . It's to warm outside and my mood is all but melancholy and I'm confused about Love . I'm confused because the ones I loved the most let me down . In return this leaves the burning question in my heart of what is real , and what love is . I remembered some years going back , I walked into a restaraunt after a long day at work . My hair haphazard in a hat , worn and tired , feeling disheveled and unattractive . I sat waiting for my table and the manager looked over at me , I looked at him - it was instant connection . He asked me out , he told my sister he thought I was a 10. We went out over a year . Things were pretty perfect until I unlocked my door to my condo , he was sitting on my couch in my house talking to his ex girlfriend about getting back together . You can guess the ending of that story. So I asked what is Love ?

I think it was some years later when I met someone who was my ultimate love . Love at first sight , love at everything . He was everything I thought Love was . I never doubted his love for a second , I would've given my life on his word it was so perfect , and he just walked away . What is love ?

I think collectively on experiences as a whole , a whole meaning when we give our whole heart to a lie ? Or was it something different ? Was it Love but broken in some way ? So how do you know if your own heart is telling you the truth about anything ?

I can be with someone who can't give emotionally but says they love me is that love ?
I go back to the movie PS I Love You . I hate romantic movies but this one I've watched 3000 times because it reminds me of real love and the kind of love I look for . Eternal , unconditional love .

I know that I need someone I admire , envy , someone I look up to . Want to be like . Someone who protects me from harm , not someone I'm afraid will harm me . It's not that I'm looking for the perfect guy . Because we all have flaws . But I need to be able to look to you , to be a hero sometimes , to be strong . Stronger than me . An anchor for this ship .

I don't know what love is exactly . But I do know what I need . I know love is unconditional , it's giving your heart and searching out there's .

- Agent Orange

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