It's 9:05 am it's Friday . No music today . I heard my pastor talk Sunday about Gods love and how he will not fail us . Even though I know this is true , God has never failed me even when I deserved nothing , it's times like this where some moments just go dark . Don't get me wrong I'm no victim . I fight even as the ship is sinking . I lay here in my bed thinking when is enough / enough . I lose my job because of a disgusting boss, someone hits my new car , and I lose an important relationship all in one month . I try to look at the positive . What is supposed to be ? I ask God what's my purpose ? Does it get better ? I always think everything happens for a reason . But why can't everyone who said they loved us really love us ? Maybe they don't know how ? Why can't we just take a pill and everything can just be as it should ? I have amazing friends . I try my best in any relationship to give more than what I have . I work hard at my job . Why do bad things happen ? Or why can't more good things happen ? I'm writing this blog because today I'm in a dark place . I'm aware there will be a rainbow at some point but how do I manage to sustain the journey when all seems lost ?
Are we fighting for no reason ? Does anyone really care ? I'm struggling to stay above water , not to lose it and cry . But I know I have to get up today and try again . Maybe there is a niricale waiting today . I don't know . Maybe there is one for you . I think I ask myself why can't I find unconditional love ? Why can't I find that perfect job ?
Every day I invest it's for nothing ? Where does all the love and care and hard work go . Is there a karma fairy who will one day come down and say everything from now on will be easy .
I don't know . Today is my dark day , no music , no smiles . But I guess the best part is in the believing that one day , it will all be ok .
- Agent Orange