Saturday, July 30, 2016

No Dating

So I'm trying to find decent music so my blog can flow , Deftones isn't cutting it . Perhaps the Killers will do tonight . 

My blogs are always honest and its me on paper . I think this is the only place my gaurd is down . Hopefully I can help someone out there . So it's 10:15 pm and the Killers are playing by head phones , ( guess what , they suck right now to ) hold on while I change this . 

Ok The Used - poetic tragedy . Puts me at ease . Are you ready ? I wanted to talk about dating . Honestly I hate it . With all my heart and soul and guts and anything else I can throw in the dating blender . 

I'll tell you why . You can tell me if you relate . 
1. Am I pretty enough ? Is my outfit right?
Will he like me ? 
2. Did I do ok ? Was I pretty enough ? Will he kiss me ? Do I care ? Will he call again ? 
3. Why is he ignoring me ? Why is he needy ? No I don't want to be your girlfriend this fast . Can I find someone interested in me ? I write , would you even read it ? 

So stressful . I never was too interested in a relationship . I like being single . Single girls are considered whores . Yes I been called a slut and a whore . 

So here is where it gets almost so funny 
Why is a girl a whore because she doesn't want a boyfriend ? Because I date ? Sorry to be disgraceful but I'm not opening legs , for every guy I go out with 
And I think my real exciting life of work and Raigan gives me no time to see anyone . 

So what is one to do ? What is the point of this blog ? I'll tell you . 

2 years ago I loved truly for the first time 
I met him and that was it . I never believe this love existed or that I could ever even feel this way . 

I truly believed he was the one . Even though we parted , I have the standard of finding this again , and to never settle for less , so what is it you ask is the answer 

I'll tell you , I'm not a hopeless romantic 
The right person will feel right , they will read my writing , they will want to know me . 

And we will be friends . When he calls me beautiful it will be because he knows me and earned it .  

We will hang out and have fun , it will be seamless , it will just happen . He won't find me , we will find each other . 

No I don't want to date , I want us to hop in my car , and see where it leads us . 

Because life is passion and if it's not don't waste your time . I don't . I'm constantly moving in and out , weaving through seams of people . 

Because I'm a whore ? Because I'm emotionally unavailable ? No . 

That's where there all wrong . You see and that's ok . 

I'm looking for the Lightning . And if it's going to be , then we will grasp fingers and not be able to let go . 

Cheers to new adventures and one day find love again . 

- Agent Orange 

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