Eyes of Your Enemies

Listening to Sleep - Azure Ra . Raigan is safely sleeping under my arm . It's 10:30 pm . The one thing I need to reach out to you with my own broken fingers is an intamate message to all of you . 

Why enemies aren't really enemies and why I will make this blog understandable. 

I'm sure we have all encountered a horrible cheating person , a liar , someone who is angry or bullies you , someone who talks bad about you to skew others perception wrongly . Your thinking hmmm Amy these are bad people , sometimes the harsh black and white of life is grey ...... 

Let me explain while you stream some music . Ready ? 

Remember my last blog on perception and how some people are a little handicap in seeing past there own selves to really hear you . 

Let's break this down , most people who are tyrants are in pain , or they are projecting their own issues on you . 

The miserable person in their personal life may be so insecure they tear you down maliciously . They hate your joy , your light , your selflessness . 

Story time : believe me I have hundreds 

I knew a guy who was so evil to me you wouldn't believe how evil if I told you . 

I also knew it wasn't me . He was depressed , angry , alcoholic . For some reason he was or acted most hateful to me . I didn't know why . 

The one thing we have to remember is we can't control or change anyone . 

Back to this guy , I'll call him John . 

John made my life hell every day . But I wanted to see the good in John , somewhere in life he was robbed , hurt and here he was . 

Although I didn't need to be his friend or let him walk on me I never changed who I was in spite of his anger or rage . 

One day he got himself into a very bad place , he was drunk and police came to take his kids . He was in a public place . 

John hit rock bottom , I knew he loved his girls . I called him the next day offered my help . After that day there was a profound change in how he treated me 

We became great friends and still friends for over 5 years . This didn't happen because I deserved a pat on the back or did anything great , I treated him like a person , with love and with out judgement . I learned the biggest blessing of all why God says to love our enemies . We began to love one another 

What shoes do they walk in on there journey ? We don't know . 

There will always be people who aren't what we thought , or loved us how we wanted them too , but don't become them in the process . 

Look at your enemy as a child standing in front of you , the small child looks different now . Love your enemies . 

Don't become one yourself . Let them talk , let them leave . It's not easy , but don't become what they expect you to be . 

Don't lose your light . Because darkness has never become light with more darkness . Only light can dissipate darkness . And what a blessing some of these friendships have become . 

Story 2- I had this guy 10 years ago call me horrific names every day . I had no idea why . He tore me apart , my looks my character everything I was . 

One day he pulled me aside and began to cry . He apologized for what he had done wrong . Said he really loved me but didn't know how to act . I was dumb founded . Not only did I become friends with him but his entire family . I was even at his dad's funeral . 

Am I saying to put up with abuse ? No 

What I'm saying is life never is as it seems 

Always believe in yourself be a safe place for others . Never lose your light . 

Cling on to what is good , get rid of the rest . 

- Agent Orange 

Eyes

It's 8:40 am - I would give anything to be in Carlsbad right now over looking the ocean . Wouldn't you ? There's a restraunt there called Kings Fish House there is nothing better . 

As for now I sit in my mini writing to you, music streaming . If anyone wants to save me , please do . 

I was thinking a lot about how we veiw others , how others perceive us and how perception becomes a reality . Not yours but maybe your audience in whole . 

This isn't about me it's about us . I think it's accumulative knowledge that we see others based upon how we see the world most importantly how we are . 

It's seems simple , but we are not aware of this pattern of thinking , this is how it gets complicated . 

Let me take you some where . Your sitting in a beautiful house , over looking a vast ocean . You sit and watch for hours . Never taking your eyes off the sun rise , the waves , breathing in the salty air 

It's what we see and it's our reality . 

What happens if you walked to the back and viewed through a different window ?

You see something different ? Experience something different ? Your view has changed . 

We judge people based on their appearance , right ? Nothing frustrates me more than not being taken seriously because of blonde hair and tattoos . 

I'm edgy , I'm immature , I am shallow . 

What ever the case may be I lose my voice . People lose there voices every day due to judgement or someone's false perception of you based on their way of thinking . 

Can you control this ? No . Do I really care what others think or if they like me 

No . I'm me , if someone doesn't want to take the time to hear me or see me that's their loss . 

But being viewed based on perception 

Is something that can make you lose on good relationships . Stepping outside of your box and thinking differently , it's a way to read other people stories , based on their experience , not yours . 

So what's the point of this blog ? 

To see others based on them not you 

Talk to people , learn more about others 

Most of all love your enemies . I've learned the most from being selfless and loving those who have wronged you . 

Look out a different window today . 

Carpe Diem 

- Agent Orange 

Perception

Foo fighters ever long streams through my car this morning , I'm an hour early for work . I wait alone here in the parking lot . This month has been hard , working 6 days a week , takes a toll on you . I find myself thinking when will my big break come . Yes , there are none in life , but maybe just one . I suppose I've had a few in my life , maybe I didn't take them when I should've . I don't regret the winded path it's led me on to where I sit in this car that hardly works but is fighting til the end much like myself - 

So here this story goes , why is happiness a perception . 

And how Amy can we change our perceptions ? Good question . 

Every morning I leave Starbucks I see a homeless man sitting in his car . Rusted and blue missing all its paint . The man is worn from life's regrets , he is dirty and tired . But none of that matters when he is sitting in front of Starbucks every morning . Why you are wondering ..... 

There he sits , coffee and old cell phone in hand waving it around trying to catch the free wifi Starbucks offers from his car 

You can see the joy on the mans face 

A peaceful moment . 

Us Americans , we find happiness in plastic surgery or expensive cars . We set goals to become rich and to attain wealth 

When it's not achieved people commit suicide . 

Perception . 

I once did financial advising , home loans 

I had a man call me , he was sobbing , he had lost everything . He killed himself on the phone . My job as an advisor a counselor , to consol him at that moment was to tell him things will get better . 

His perception that all his happiness was in his things . 

Third world countries rely on just finding food and water as a daily goal . They have no understanding what a selfie is or fake lips or boobs or eating disorders . 

Yet we bullie and harass one another on appearance because we are not happy within ourselves . 

What's your perception ? Is it keeping you from the big picture ? 

If we generated happiness into giving 

And loving , instead of into things or ideas then happiness would become tangible . 

Not just a perceived idea of what is mine what I need what you need keeps us divided . 1 out 3 Americans are on medication for depression . 1 out of 5 suffer from obesity . This is an internal problem . 

Where is our joy ? 

My best moments in life are from family and friends , from great leaders lending a helping hand or people showing unconditional love . 

Don't base your happiness on 1 thing . 

Yes set goals of course . Strive to be your best , be successful . 

But don't make it your identity . 

Be you . Be different . Smile . 

Agent Orange 

When Your Fallen

There's those times when we seem like giving up on hope and faith , when things get dark and shadows close in . Just remember not to forget where you came from , the battles you faced and won , the roads you walked alone , and around the bend victory is waiting . Because the ones who walk away weren't meant to strive with you and the ones who make it will die with you and those are the ones who matter most . 

Take heart - 

Amy Bible

If someone could just of told me sooner .

That - 

It's alright to eat cake with your fingers in the car , and it's not alright to let anyone's opinion dictate who you are , and never let anyone talk down to you , further more never devalue yourself because every single thing you do comes from the power of your own mind , so love yourself and believe in your self you are in control of your own success . Do not be your worst enemy the world is full of evil people already . And love your enemies , not for them for you . Love unconditionally do not expect return . Life is not black and white when someone walks away it's probably because of that grey area so relax the answer will come in due time and trust me it always does in this case follow your heart . 

True love only happens once , if you have not experienced it keep your eyes and heart open , if your not sure you have then you haven't , 

Always stay calm . Never involve yourself with people who are toxic . Remember to love whole . Never give your self easily . 

Never become dependent on anything it will kill you . That is just a fact . Or kill the best part of you . 

God is real give him control of your life . 

Then you don't have to worry about controlling it . Cling on to what is good and get rid of the rest . And friends who are easily swayed are not your friends . 

Never compare yourself to others . You are never going to be a model but it doesn't mean he doesn't think your not beautiful . 

Be healthy we live once . 

Do not let your fear of anything drive you like I said we live once . Crush your fears 

Fear is just a lie . 

Leave a bad marriage if it's un fixable true love is out there . Once again we only live once . Sorry it's true . 

Live in joy and be thankful , love your friends and no matter what your truth is never lie . 

Nothing is more important than your kids 

Chase nothing , unless you screwed up fix it with actions not just words . 2 people should come together , 

Listen to music , set daily goals and always be moving forward . Life is a beautiful journey live it . And love the journey . Good or bad . You learn every step of the way . 

Plug your ears to na Sayers - 

Love with all your heart - 

Agent Orange 

Number On My Back

It's late the day has run stale I'm listening to AFI in bed and I'm writing to you about the number system - 

I mean it goes something like this , 

Last night was amazing , we been seeing each other for a few months now and we connect . For some reason he disappeared ? Never to be heard from again ? 

I call this the number system , like a tagged and numbered human ready for the slaughter . Doesn't mean you slept with them , maybe you did , maybe you didn't . My point is , the number system works when your left questioning in the end . 

Now the number system is NOT - ok when you have a one night stand or two night stand of great sex and great connection knowing it's just that . 

So I want this blog to cover all aspects of what is ready for slaughter and what you indeed tagged your self " ladies." 

Pardon me while I clear my throat but it's true . So let's remove those Scarlett's letters and get down to the dirty truth . 

Example A.

You have a unicorn he isn't the settling type , you know this - DO NOT shake your head at me , you have the best sex of your life , he's amazing , he's a god , 

Yes he is , but we know coming in what he is . You can't change him and then be mad you didn't change him . Or be sad he does not text or call / 

All you can do move on . Or maybe have another night of fun . 

You were tagged you are just a number this is the number system . You can't be mad but it is what it is . 

Example B. 

You date someone a few months and things are perfect . So it seems . You talk all day , things seem great then one day he is gone . Maybe you met his friends and family . Your left with the burning question , what did I do wrong ? 

Your Prince Charming has vanished you feel like a foolish girl . 

We're you tagged for the kill ? Maybe , maybe not . 

Google seems to have an answer for everything . But I think I have the better answer . 

All in all some men are bad at communicating , some or most can be cowards . Not ready to commit . Maybe there scared , immature , maybe they have issues , but someone who walks away do they deserve you ? 

Your hear left alone to find someone else that does not bother them because at the moment they are more important than you . Last time I looked I was very important to myself . So why would I choose  someone who does not put me first or any where at all ? 

You only deserve the best . People should be chasing each other , being there through the very best and the very worst . 

So how do we become from being another number ? Giving ourself for nothing ? 

I don't have the answer . But don't become bitter or angry or you will start writing numbers - and you are not that person or you wouldn't be reading this now . 

Make sense 

Agent Orange 

Disappointment

It's 6 am I'm warm in my bed and about to get up for my day . Today I want to talk about trust and disappointment . 

How many times do we put our trust in someone because they promise they will be careful with our hearts ? Those quiet careful egg shell steps we take and we decide to give it a shot , then in one moment with out warning they disappear like you never mattered at all , maybe you have someone who cheated or lied . 

Your plagued with disappointment , and confusion . 

What is their to do ? You think why ? 

The one thing I think we need to do is take a long hard look in our own mirror . 

You say Amy that makes no sense , it wasn't our fault . True , I agree . But is there a such thing as all of the sudden ? 

Maybe we need to chose more carefully . 

Maybe they weren't treating that great ,

Maybe they were but they had a lot of personal issues . We tend to ignore those issues because they told us , " trust me."

Then the worst happens . I can tell you three things , I know we sit in shock and pain , lose sleep and wonder . But if you remember these three things I promise it will help 

1. They did you a favor . 

Do you want to be with someone who cares so little about you they can't say good bye ? No explanation at all . 

Someone who is a coward who cheated and ruined your trust ? 

Is that the kind of life you deserve ? No 

2. Love yourself . I know we sit and think where we went wrong . But it's not you it's them . If there was an issue with you they wouldn't leave or cheat , they would recognize that you matter and they would communicate with you . 

3. Keep your focus on your daily goals 

Nothing will feel better or keep you moving forward like achieving what your meant to do . Be positive and the right person will come along . 

I'm sorry someone tried to break you , 

That just means they were broken themselves . Don't ignore the signs next time , most importantly keep your chin up 

It's their loss any way - 

Agent Orange