The Big No

This blog is being drafted at 2 am . While listening to Pearl Jam . Typically it's Tori Amos or something iconic but I'm writing about something profound . I know so many people will disagree to this excerpt . But bear with me as I write nails on chalk board because it's the gritty truth people beg and pay to hear . I'm writing it to you for free .

As a woman you grow up with men caring more about getting into your panties then into your heart . This is true for all woman I suppose , I'm not any more or less special than any one else .
I grew up in a even more disadvantage as a victim of child rape so I believed that sex meant love . So boy was I confused .

The more they wanted me the more they loved me right ? Well when the wanting part was gone I found myself alone and hurt and confused . I learned growing up that God had more for me that love meant a whole lot more . But it was a battle . The lie was built into me it was apart of me . I think it's true whether we are a victim or not . Society tells us to be flawless to be good enough to receive sex and in turn get love .  This is wrong .

I dreamed my whole life I would meet a man who would say no to me . Who would want to love me . Does that sound crazy ?  After years of being used and receiving no love I seek the opposite . Someone who chooses to seek me first .....

Then everything else after . Do I want to have sex ? Yes . But to someone who doesn't care ? No .
I've waited 36 years to tell this story . Do I have issues ? No . Am I ok ? Yes. I just seek the love I deserve and the point of this blog is so should you . Don't believe lies that the world tells you .

- Agent Orange

Best Intentions

I pass quietly through an empty parking lot . The sun is shining bright on a warm March day . As I walked to the car I over heard a man complaining about his wife to another man on the side of the building , so here goes today's blog . The re invention of friendship . Marriage , if you look at it simply broken down your supposed to be ( best friends ) I don't care roll your eyes at me , but it's true. Say what you will . He said she said bull shit ... It's a two way street . Would you lie to your best friend ? Cheat ? Talk bad about them ? Your married one year or 40 doesn't matter . If you have issues with the best friend part then guess what , you have issues with the unconditional love part .
Sacrificial love .

So Instead of complaining to someone else , communicate to your best friend . That's a concept . Another is every day I watch couples cut each other down . No respect at all . This all falls down to the one simple thing .
If you don't believe me Practice it every day until you get it . I know I would never consider marrying again unless I had this 100% .

I'm not into chick flicks or sappy romance movies believe me , but in the movie the notebook when they died together that's real , that happens .....

Drop your pride and your selfishness and love

- Agent Orange

Beyond The Maze

Tonight I want to talk about a way out of a maze .
You know when things are great and then , in a moment it's all crashing down around you ?
What is the way to peace ? When your stomach is sick from your heart hurting or finances failing or
Any other stressful situation that causes pain . This secret is the one and only thing to give you peace.

Giving God control is the answer . How do we do that ? I will tell you how .
In your turmoil you look ahead , but in a hurricane you can't see in any direction and it's easy to be hurt and confused , even scared .

But .. If you look up God will guide you out .
If your having a hard time doing this , it means you are not putting your trust in God .
God says we walk in the valley of the shadow of death .

Would you rather walk in the shadow of a semi truck or in front of it ?
We fill our void with anything to numb our pain , but trusting in God will give you , your long lost joy back .

You can't have a relationship with God and only invite him into one or two rooms in your heart .
He needs in all the rooms .
If Jesus knocked on your front door right now would you panick ? Close the doors to the kids messy rooms ?
Same as your heart , do you hide your room of pain , pride , addiction ? The list goes on . Jesus healed the sick and he will heal you .

His promise is their for you . Jesus says cling onto what is good and get rid of the rest .
He has a plan for you . Read his word , and pray .

- Agent Orange

Online Dating

I don't care who met on match or eharmony or tinder , online dating is bull@&) . Sorry , it's true . True love is chemistry not match pictures and personality . It just becomes a cyber sex rotation for single people ...

Then you go back online to find them once again in your dirty pool .

Wait for the right person in real life
- Agent Orange

Disappointment

I think today's blog will be about disappointment . I think that it's all in how we view others . Disappointment comes in so many forms . A father misses his sons game , a love interest dosent quite love you back or someone cheated you . The list goes on and on .....

I think this should be handled carefully , don't you ? Take a step back , be you in their shoes and re valuate the situation . Sometimes people are in a dark place . Is that an excuse for their behavior ? No probably not . But my point is understanding it . That way when you leave the situation it's not as devastating .

It's rough I know . Some of us have been through hurricanes and disappointment .
But trying to understand will help you heal and move on .

Carpe Diem my friends

-Agent Orange

The Big Question

This weeks blog is about deciphering what does and does not make sense . How many times in our lives are we faced with a situation that , just makes absolutely no sense . In my comings and goings I deal with this everyday . My friends bound with these questions with no answers . Why did he leave ? Why didn't she call ? Why did they die ? We are left with a void and no peace . All because of the big " why " .

I don't sleep . I'll beat myself up .....
Nothing brings the answer .

I have the answer . If it doesn't make sense it's simply not meant to be .
All stories have a beginning and an end . Did you ever read a book that ended in the middle ?

Satan is the author of confusion the bible says .
So if it makes sense whether it works or not then , it's supposed to be apart of our story .
If it dosent , start a new chapter to finish your own ending .

It's hard sometimes . But trust me it's the truth .

- Agent Orange

What's love

Today I'm sitting in a bar waiting for my lunch . Through the hustle of the day in this warm atmosphere I would like to talk about lost love . That one , the " one " . It didn't work out . But do we hold on ? Or let go ?

The answer is hold on . You find something rare , cherish it . It doesn't mean hold on to them per say, but it's alright to have this hidden in your heart . It's yours , it's special ...

Keep it

- Agent Orange